Understanding Self-Harm: Recognition, Reasons, and Healthier Alternatives

Trigger Warning: This article discusses self-harm behaviours and may be triggering for some readers. If you’re currently struggling with thoughts of self-harm, please reach out to a mental health professional or contact Lifeline on 13 11 14.

As a psychologist, I’ve worked with many clients who’ve used self-harm as a coping mechanism, and I want you to know that if this resonates with you, you’re not alone, and there is hope. You can change this dysfunctional coping strategy, that you have learned to use, into the much healthier strategies which you so deserve.

What do we mean by Self-Harm?

Self-harm refers to the deliberate act of causing physical injury to oneself, commonly through behaviours such as cutting, scratching, or burning the skin. This is typically done not with the intent to end one’s life, but rather as a way to cope with overwhelming emotions, stress, or difficult life circumstances. For many people who engage in self-harm, it serves as a mechanism to manage feelings that feel too intense, or difficult to process in other ways.

Why Do People Self-Harm?

Understanding why someone might turn to self-harm is crucial for both recognition and recovery. Contrary to popular belief, self-harm is rarely about suicide, it’s typically about managing overwhelming emotions or situations.

• Emotional regulation is the most common reason. When emotions feel too intense to handle, self-harm can provide temporary relief. The physical pain can serve as a distraction from emotional pain, creating a momentary sense of control when everything else feels chaotic.
• Chemical response also plays a role. When we experience physical pain, our bodies release endorphins, natural pain-relieving chemicals that can create a brief sense of calm or even euphoria. Some people also experience a release of oxytocin, sometimes called the “bonding hormone,” which can provide comfort and a temporary sense of wellbeing.
• Communication is another factor. Sometimes self-harm becomes a way to express pain that feels impossible to put into words, or to signal to others that something is seriously wrong.
• Self-punishment can motivate self-harm behaviours, particularly in people who struggle with guilt, shame, or feelings of unworthiness. They might feel they deserve the pain or are trying to atone for perceived failures.

Recognising the Warning Signs

If you’re concerned about yourself or someone you care about, there are several warning signs to watch for:

• Emotional indicators include increased irritability, mood swings, feelings of hopelessness, or expressing feeling “numb” or empty. You might notice someone withdrawing from friends and family or losing interest in activities they previously enjoyed.
• Behavioural changes can include wearing long sleeves or pants even in warm weather, avoiding activities that might expose their body (like swimming), or making excuses for injuries. You might also notice someone collecting sharp objects or spending unusual amounts of time alone.
• Physical signs obviously include unexplained cuts, scratches, burns, or bruises, but also look for frequent “accidents” or injuries that don’t quite match the explanation given.
• Emotional patterns to watch for include increasing stress without healthy outlets, difficulty expressing feelings verbally, or perfectionist tendencies combined with harsh self-criticism.

Someone who self-harms will usually choose places on their body where it is not likely to be seen easily, such as the inner/upper thigh or their arms. Often those at risk tend to cover themselves up with clothing all the time, long sleeves, trousers or long skirts.

In many cases, addiction issues such as substance abuse also appear alongside self-harming behaviours in an individual. These are also unhealthy coping strategies that need to have the underlying issues managed as the individual learns new healthy coping mechanisms.

Healthy Alternatives and Coping Strategies

The good news is that there are many effective alternatives that can provide similar emotional relief without causing harm.

• Physical alternatives can satisfy the need for intense sensation. Try holding ice cubes, taking a very hot or cold shower, doing intense exercise, or snapping a rubber band on your wrist. Some people find relief in drawing on their skin with a red marker where they might otherwise cut.
• Emotional release techniques help process difficult feelings. This might include punching pillows, screaming into a pillow, crying, journaling, or creating art that expresses your emotions. Music can be particularly powerful, whether listening to songs that match your mood or playing an instrument.
• Distraction methods work by shifting your focus when urges arise. Try calling a friend, watching funny videos, doing puzzles, playing games, or engaging in hobbies. The key is having these strategies ready before you need them.
• Mindfulness and grounding techniques help you stay present when emotions feel overwhelming. Try the 5-4-3-2-1 technique: identify 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste. Deep breathing exercises and progressive muscle relaxation can also be incredibly helpful.
• Connection and communication are vital. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or support groups. Sometimes just talking through what you’re feeling can provide the relief you’re seeking.

When to Seek Professional Help

While self-help strategies are valuable, professional support is often crucial for long-term recovery. Consider reaching out to a trusted friend, a parent, or a mental health professional if self-harm thoughts are frequent, if you’ve acted on these thoughts, or if you’re struggling to cope with daily life.

Those who have learnt self harming behaviours tend to feel a lot of shame and guilt , please understand self harming behaviours are a dysfunctional coping strategy. You are simply trying to self regulate. Please reach forward for support and please keep going till you find the right support to help you change your emotional regulating skills and free yourself up. You deserve this.

Remember, seeking help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength and self-care. Many people find that working with a psychologist helps them develop personalised coping strategies and address the underlying issues that contribute to self-harm urges.

Recovery is possible, and you deserve support on that journey.

If you’re in crisis, don’t wait. Contact Lifeline on 13 11 14, your local emergency services, or go to your nearest hospital emergency department without delay.